At the end of May, Anne and I where walking in Queen Elizabeth Park, the Trossachs, one of the most beautiful areas of Scotland, if not the world.
As we stopped and looked at the breathtaking view, Anne said to me "Look at that horrible pylon!", I said "where", " over there at the top of the hill just at the side of the trees.""For goodness sake Anne, concentrate on the view, it is phenomenal, and all around you".
Yesterday Anne received a bunch of beautiful lilies. As she was arranging them for the vase she said to me "one of the lilies has a broken stem, that's ridiculous, the person who made them up must have noticed". I said "Do you think it would be a good idea to concentrate on the beautiful lilies, those with complete stems, there are plenty of them".
I then got the "don't you give me any of your NLP, Law of Attraction tosh, if you want to bury your head in the sand away from the real world that's up to you. I am not your client, sometimes there are problems in life and not "challenges" as you keep telling me."
Ok , I admit it, I messed up and handled the situation badly, I had better contact "The Divorce Coach Jackie Walker" for some proper relationship advice.
It is worthy of discussion though isn't it? Sometimes we concentrate too much on the negative aspects of life, and miss the beauty of what is around us.
Don't think of it!
Often instead of focusing on what we want in life, we're focusing on what we don't want - but by continuing to focus on it we keep it in front of us. Which is why New Year resolutions like other 'new starts' and good intentions end so swiftly!
It's the "don't think of the blue rhinoceros" phenomenon. Try it: close your eyes and decide that under no circumstances will you think of a blue rhinoceros.
As you do this reinforce it by affirming to yourself "I won't think of a blue rhinoceros". And, of course, the more you try to not think of it the more and stronger you make the thought.
The more you focus on what you don't want the more you become fixated or even obsessed with it - and that's one of the things which we learn from using NLP to understand how our thoughts and our emotions affect one another.
The solution?
According to Pegasus NLP trainers, you should begin thinking about what you want instead!
- Instead of 'I mustn't overeat': Perhaps eating healthily and sensibly. Or eating just enough to alleviate hunger. Or eating healthier foods.
- Instead of 'I want to give up cigarettes': You might want to enjoy the freedom of being an ex-smoker who breathes easily, has clear airways and smells clean.
- Instead of 'I won't get so angry': Maybe you'd like to be able to rise above the issues, to be able to ignore what you perceive as others' pettiness or thoughtlessness. Or to be able to see through the other person's anger-provoking ploys.
- Instead of 'I don't want to feel nervous or panicky? Focus on how you'd like to be handling stressful situations e.g. feeling calmer, breathing easily, thinking more clearly.
Get into the habit of noticing which mental images your thinking is evoking. Recognise that these mental images are affecting your feelings. And, if necessary, change what you're focussing on.
Many of us have been brought up in a world of "don't do's" so switching from focussing on what you don't want, to what you do want will take a little bit of attention - for a few weeks, at least!
This approach is not a magic fix or panacea but it's a very important start to driving your own bus. The old saying 'be careful what you set your mind upon for surely it will be yours' has quite a a bit of truth in it.
Oh and I should mention, if you were to ask Anne the things I do that annoy her, after 16 Years of happy marriage she could come up with a list as long as your arm. However let's not focus on that, let me tell you about my good points.....
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